Ready...Set...React

I have no impulse control.  In myself, I have decided to call it a "timer-dial"...and any situation that elicits a reaction causes it to turn.  Sometimes it turns halfway (a normal reaction)...sometimes, maybe only a quarter turn (not quite reactive...but not passive).  But God help those on the other end of the dreaded full-turn...because that timer-dial can go from "non-reactive" to "impulsive" in the time it takes you to blink your eyes.  Unfortunately for me, as time passes and it works it's way back to "normal" I think about how I should have handled it and the adrenaline that made me react impulsively is gone.  Then, as it returns to "non-reactive" it generally leaves me feeling terrible.

Sigh...

Today, I gave a test.  I said the same thing I always say as I am passing it out..."if I catch you looking on someone else's paper, not only will you get a zero, but so will the person you are cheating off of...so keep your papers covered, and keep your eyes on your own."  Simple...right?

Not so much. 

45 minutes into the test, I look in the back of the room, and I see ________________ (insert student name here) raised up off of his bottom and craning his neck. 

A:  "________________, what are you looking at?" 

Student:  "my paper..."

A:  "Is your paper in front of ___________________ (insert a different student name here)"

Student:  "....................nn...nn.....no"

He knew he was caught.  I got up, walked to the back of the room, realized they weren't even on the same page (and no shuffling took place on my way back there), and whispered to him that he just received a get out of jail free card.

He worked some more, I kept a little bit better of an eye on him.  Then, as students started finishing, I began to walk around, collect their papers and staple them. 

I got to the back of the room, and I'll be damned if _____________isn't talking to another student.  I was so angry.  Actually, that's not even the correct word.  I was infuriated. 

My timer-dial moved to "impulsive" and what I did next was out of nothing more than pure lack of impulse control.  I put my stack of papers and the stapler down...I picked his up.  He said..."but I'm not done"...and I ripped the paper in half...then in half again...then in half again.  I walked over to the trash, and threw it away.  The look in his eyes made that timer-dial return to "normal" in half the time it normally does...so, by the time I got back to the front of the room, I felt as badly as he did.  What made it worse was when he said (with a shaky voice)..."I was just asking what time it was."

My timer-dial was back to "non-reactive" and I knew instantly I should have just taken it and figured out what to do with it after the students were out of the class.  I couldn't not react.  But, did I have to be so impulsive about it?

I thought about it for the remaining 25 minutes of class.  I thought about it on the way home.  It's 8:00 at night...and not only am I still thinking about it...I spent the last 45 minutes fixing it.  One of the things I always try to do is treat my students the way I wished my teachers would have treated me...and the way I would want my son's teachers to treat him. 

 It's not necessarily the fact that we react impulsively...whether out of anger, hurt, excitement, or whatever emotion may be driving that timer-dial...it's how we feel about ourselves when that timer-dial reaches "non-reactive" and what we do to fix it.